We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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