I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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