Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
