i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
