just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
