I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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