I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I woke up under a house in Key West
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