i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
