Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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