I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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