Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
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I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
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I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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