I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
