i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
