I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
