haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
