The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
No more Irish car bombs ever.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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