K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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