Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
So much rum. So many feels.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
