Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
