He uses pillows to masturbate.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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