I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
