ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
