Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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