My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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