He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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