fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
