My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
