I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
God I need to hump something, right now.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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