Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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