I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize