his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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