You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
