I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
