I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
stop calling my apartment porn island.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
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