I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
