I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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