what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
