i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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