Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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