im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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