tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
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He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
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So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?