i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?