Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
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Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
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I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!