dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
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A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
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just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Oh god it's open bar.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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