Jerry, you need to find god
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
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Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
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My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n