My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
yea but for you.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just had sex on a roof
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.