Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.