Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.