i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life