The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
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Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
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Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.