Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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