Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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