he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
