ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
