1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
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