I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
