update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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