Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
