I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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