Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
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I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
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I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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