see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
