I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
