I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
