thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
