Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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