Sorry, I don't speak sober.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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