U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious