Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Some Animals Are Total Jerks (10+ pics)
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled