hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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