My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
