I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
High School Students Hilariously Rank Celebrities By Their Stank For Class Project
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
15 Things You Truly Understand If You Sleep Next To Someone Who Snores Like A Rhinoceros Every Night
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.