we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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