i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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